Showering her with love forced me to slow down. You cannot genuinely love someone you are not paying attention to. And for years, I had not paid attention. I had merely endured.
Our relationship is not perfect. It will never be the sitcom version where we laugh over coffee and finish each other's sentences. She still drives me crazy. I still take deep breaths when she calls for the third time in one day. after a month of showering my mother with love fix
But after a month of showering my mother with love, I realized that waiting for the other person to change first is a recipe for a lifetime of silence. The first seven days were excruciating. Showering my mother with love felt like wearing a wool sweater in July. It was itchy, forced, and unnatural. Showering her with love forced me to slow down
I started to notice things I had never seen before. My mother’s hands shake slightly when she pours coffee. She reads three newspapers a day because she is terrified of being uninformed. She buys the same brand of orange juice my deceased father used to buy, even though she doesn't like it. I had merely endured
And once you see that, you stop asking your mother to be a superhero. You start accepting her as a wounded human being who did her best with the broken tools she was given. Psychologists call this "behavioral activation for relationships." The principle is simple: You don't wait to feel love to act loving. You act loving, and eventually, the feeling follows.
I called on Monday. She asked about my finances. Instead of snapping, "That's none of your business," I said, "I appreciate you worrying about me, Mom. I’m managing okay."
That is the first thing you learn after a month of showering your mother with love: If you have been distant for a decade, three days of warmth doesn't fix anything. It confuses them. But you keep going. Week Two: The Backlash and the Tears By day ten, my mother did something unexpected. She got angry.